I am at a place where I feel like I am running on empty and barely holding it together when it comes to being a working Mom. I’m tired, busy, worn out, and feeling very lost. I love my career but is being a working Mom where I am supposed to be right now? Being a working Mom is hard!
The truth is that I would love to be a stay at home Mom. This working Mom would truly prefer to be a stay at home Mom. This was always my hope and dream, sadly it is not my reality. The main city near where we live is the third most expensive city in the world right now. That craziness has spread and it’s making it darn near impossible to live on one income.
Could we do it? Probably, but I do say that with some hesitation and doubt. It would be very difficult. We are talking some serious rough patches when it comes to figuring out a budget and making it work. We need a roof over our heads and food in the fridge plus a few other necessities.
Moving currently is not really an option because even if we look farther away homes are still way out of our price range. We’re very thankful we bought our townhouse before all the major insanity started and that we had some forethought in getting a place with multiple bedrooms and a little bit of a yard.
It was much harder to go back to work ahead of my second daughter’s birthday. I was in tears the night before. I did not want to go. It was because I knew what I would be missing out on. The first steps. Random walks and puddle jumping moments. The first words. I missed it… I have a job that requires me to work Monday to Friday, from early in the morning to mid afternoon. I miss out on a lot.
When I do get home from work the girls are often napping. We all know the rule “Do not wake a sleeping baby!” so I don’t wake our girls up. By the time they get up it’s often getting dark out and it’s time to get dinner going. I will sometimes try to do special things with them, like go to a park, but it always happens in a rushed panic to try and beat the sun from setting and the need to be home to get dinner into their tummies.
I am incredibly thankful that my husband is currently able to work from home. I am in some ways envious and jealous that he is able to. I wish I had a career that allowed me to do that. During this time, though, I know my girls, our girls, are with someone who loves them to pieces. They are getting some very special time with their Dad that many children do not.
We are just starting to crunch numbers and see if it would be possibly for me to stay at home. I dread going to work daily. I have major anxiety about it and have messaged my husband in tears multiple times that I do not want to be at work, I want to be at home.
Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
I truly feel that God has put this desire on my heart, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I am a bit scared. I have shared my desire to be home with my husband and we are praying over it. We both worry about how we would make it work. Could we actually manage off one income?
Currently, we are looking at budget and implementing it. We also want to document and track all spending. We are looking at getting rid of cable and anywhere else we might be able to cut things out. Meal planning so that we can be more organized and not shop without a plan!
We are also waiting for the end of the school year to see if I still have a position at my current school or will my hours be cut. This would mean I have to go to the posting meeting for my job. If that is the case, perhaps I might be able to get a position with fewer hours… I could then still provide for my family, but be home earlier.
For now, I am left with an ache in my heart each morning as I leave to work as I ponder “Why am I here?”. I know the answer, I am currently there to provide for my family and because I do love my job. I am still left wondering “Do I have peace and contentment in my heart and soul, is God calling me to do something else?”
What are some steps you would recommend to other Moms to take if they are wanting to become a stay at home mom?
Are you a working mom who desires to be home with their kids instead of at work?
How do you cope with the heartache?