I have been open and honest about how nursing has been a major struggle for Everly and I since day one. Between my problems and her’s we had our hands full. I wish I could have exclusively breast fed but it just did not work out that way for us. So I have been committed instead to pumping for 9 months now, so that I could some how provide for her, even if we still had to supplement with some formula.
Everly did still have her moments where she wanted to nurse, almost regularly she would nurse in the morning, and before her afternoon nap. She would want to nurse if she was needing comfort for whatever reason, teething or otherwise. Sometimes she wanted to be nursed to sleep. There is just something about nursing that is so connecting between a mom and her baby. Its just so meaningful, a moment that mommy and baby share. I really loved these moments. I especially loved those moments recently, as it was the only time she would relax and just snuggle in. She is not a very cuddly baby.
It seems my daughter has my stubborn independent ways. She just stopped. She had no interest in nursing. Well over a week ago was the last time she was breast fed. It seemed she was either on a nursing strike, or she was self weaning. I didn’t realize how special those few moments each day were to me until this happened. I ended up having several tear filled mornings because there was nothing I could do, she wouldn’t nurse. I wasn’t ready for that moment. I felt like out of nowhere she was done, and I wished so much I had got a say in it being done. I would still try each morning, but she was just not interested. The past couple mornings I just surrendered, and got her up to face the day and gave her a bottle each morning.
Then this morning, I heard her babbling away in her crib, and eventually I heard the music from the little fish tank toy that hangs on the side of her crib. I’d had a horrible nights sleep and really didn’t want to get out of bed. Jason was already up and about to leave for work. Soon I heard her calling for me, “Mamma, Mamma…” So I lugged my groggy butt out of bed and got her up. For some reason I just felt I should try one last time.
Sure enough my little girl snuggled in and nursed. For a good little while too, compared to what she normally would have done in the past. She has never been good about nursing for a long stretches. This morning though it seemed she just needed it, she relaxed in my arms and just settled right in.
I guess after this morning I’d be ok with her being done with nursing if she wants to be. We’ve had one last special moment, if more moments do come, wonderful, if not, I think I am finally ok with that. I have been blessed with 9 wonderful months.