My friendship is one that is not offered easily. I’m very much an introvert, and incredibly shy. I struggle in social situations, with finding the right words, and so much more. It takes everything in me to not crumble, and hide in a corner.
I can count on my fingers the number of times I’ve been deeply hurt, wounded beyond recognition by someone in my life. Left with a bleeding hole in my heart. Jet black tears rolling down my face for days. Someone I counted as a dear friend. No more. I’ve asked myself over, and over again why do I still go to battle for those I once held so near and dear? It’s not worth it. It takes me a long time to get to a place where there’s some healing, and I can move on. It becomes apparent that the friendship I thought was there, truly wasn’t. To surrender.
Once you are welcomed though, and you get passed my protective walls, trust me there are many I have put up over the years, I hope you know I count you more as a sister than just a friend. In Anne’s world you’re a kindred spirit, and as you are in mine too. I am so thankful for the few in my life that have become part of my tribe. Those in it accept me for who I am. Broken hearted, but loyal always. It doesn’t matter if I see you every day or if I haven’t seen you in a dozen years. You’ll always be welcomed with open arms.
I already see so much of this devotedness in my oldest daughter. I fear for her, that she may experience the same hurt some day. I also know that those who do become her dear friend, will have no one truer in their life.
I was going to share something else today, but this has been on my heart a lot lately. Last night I felt it needed to be heard, to be shared. That others needed to read these words. Maybe they feel the same way, perhaps they are an introvert too, or they worry for their own children in the same way I do.
It has taken me a long time to be okay with the fact that friendships can change with the wind and tides. Someone who was once in your life constantly may be washed out to sea, never to be seen again. That is okay. It may take a period of adjustment, healing, and so much more. Take the time that is needed. Morn that friendship. Move on when you are ready.
Don’t forget those who are still there. Tend to those who are part of your life, work on those friendships make sure those know their importance in your life. Put your energy into them. Once a part of my life, always a part of my life is how I feel.
As I mentioned, I worry for my daughters. I already see so many of my traits in my oldest. I fear for her going through the same pain and heartbreak I have. I do not want to, but if the time comes I know I have been prepared to help guide her, to comfort her and be there for her. She will learn from those moments in time too. While they may seem like they last for years, it really is only a blink in time.