I am at a place where I am currently trying to figure out what on earth works for my body. It’s changed a lot over the years, especially the last 3. I’ve been pregnant 4 times, 2 of which have brought us our gorgeous daughters. The other two ended in miscarriage. All impacted my body, and emotions. I’ve never been the modelesque type. I’ve always been described as tall, and curvy. I’m plus size. I know that, and I don’t mind.
What I do mind is not having an easy time finding outfits that make me feel pulled together, presentable, beautiful, and more. Often the items I find in store, that are made for my size do not work for me. It’s like plus size and tall do not go together in the same category. If I find pants that fit my curves, they are often too short in the length, if the length is good, they are too small. Why does it have to be one or the other? Anything with sleeves is down right infuriating. The majority of long sleeved items are 3/4 length on me. I own a raincoat, but my arms stick way out past the sleeve. I tend to wear all long sleeved items shoved up to my elbows, its a force of habit. Why bother wearing it down, when it doesn’t hit me where it should anyways?
I’m trying! I am honestly trying to be happy with my wardrobe, and to make sure I get changed out of my pajamas at least once each day and look pulled together . I’ve purged a lot of my clothing recently, and plan to do so again soon. Most of the clothing in my closet has a maternity label on it, and has been well loved. Time for those items to go. I’m trying to dress for my current body so that I am happy with the clothes that I am in. Right now anything I wear needs to be nursing/pumping friendly…. so thankful for my nursing tanks to make any shirt nursing friendly! I feel awkward nursing out in public. It is not something that has come easily to me at all. I am still trying though.
Since my body has changed so much, I do easily become discouraged about how I look. I will see a photo of myself and instantly dislike what I see. I am going to try, and look at photos of me and focus on the positive things. Like perhaps its a photo of my daughters and I together, perhaps Evie and I have silly looks on our faces. So what if I may not like seeing a hint of a double chin. Its a moment in time that my girls may want to be able to look back on. They will not see my wrinkles, rolls, or chins. They will see their mother. I want my girls to see my smiling, always! I want them to know that how I looked at that moment in time is perfectly fine, that was me. I already know my oldest daughter loves me. It’s funny the list of things she will spout off telling me she loves about me… “I love your eyes! I love your eye brows! I love your zebra! (in reference to my stretch marks)” she just knows me, as me. The person right before her eyes. I wish I loved myself as much as she does at times. She does not care about the imperfections, and that is something I need to work on.
So for now I am working on making sure my wardrobe makes me happy, and is nursing/pumping friendly, and that I do not hide away from photos. I want my girls to always smile!
And because she is just so darn cute, and wanted in on the photo action. Here is Evie wearing my big floppy hat.